Not telling anyone that I was pregnant for three months nearly killed me. Especially after we found out we are having twins. It made me think of the codebreakers who worked at Bletchley Park in England in WWII, some of whom held on to their secret work for nearly 30 years (even from their spouses), until the1970s, when the story of Enigma was first released. I had trouble holding my tongue for a quarter of a year. I can't imagine the self-discipline required for a quarter century!
I have been broody for a Very Long Time. Probably about 12 years. But, partly due to my age, and partly due to the risks of miscarriage in the first three months, we held off telling anyone - even close family - until we got past the first trimester. We have just cruised past 20 weeks, however, and the vast majority of family and friends has been informed, so it was time to do some baby pontificating online...
The savviest among you may have noticed that the tagline to this blog actually changed at the beginning of the year. It used to read, Fortune in the Valley: One Woman's Search for the Job of her Dreams. But since a few days after the pregnancy test came back positive, it has read On Life, and the Pursuit of Happiness. To some extent, this reflected the sorry state of my job hunt, and the fact that the blog had long since become a place for me to do a brain dump of what was on my mind. But it was also, of course, a virtual nod to the vast change that is about to come upon the Coatney household.
Ironically, of course, I was finally offered a job just a few weeks ago by UC Santa Cruz. But it was a fairly simple decision to turn the offer down. The money was lousy! And the possibilities were limited. The positives were all around the location and the potential for something more fascinating down the road. But even as I declined it, there was some agonizing. I had always assumed that if I were ever fortunate enough to have kids, it would be as a working woman, and that I would be the sort who juggled a job and the cooking and the childcare (while naturally maintaining a regular gym schedule, and remembering to get pedicures). So much for that. Instead, I am adapting to the new reality and privilege of being a stay-at-home Mom (apologies to my English readers). Which is actually far more scary (for me, at least) in terms of the skills required. And the gym schedule is already up the spout.
Even though I haven't had a tricky pregnancy so far to date, I am amazed at how easy other people make it look. My girlfriends all appeared to sail through in the manner of Hollywood film stars...looking glamorous and elegant, and producing extremely cute offspring at the end of it all. By contrast I feel schlumpy all the time, and go to bed at 8pm regularly, since the thought of staying up until 10pm is a distant memory now associated with other illicit treats like cocktails and unpasteurized cheese. And this isn't even the difficult part! As all the mothers of any age I have met recently have said, with twins, we are going to be "busy". Since when did "busy" become a euphemism for manically sleep deprived and completely unable to form coherent sentences?
Over the next few months, you will doubtless read more about the trials and tribulations of the pregnancy, before twinlet one (a girl) and twinlet two (a boy) arrive, probably sometime in late August or possibly early September. After that, it is quite possible that this will turn into a mommy blog (Eric's hoping that I will be able to mimic the success of www.dooce.com and bring in $30,000-$50,000 a month). In his dreams.
In the meantime, I am delighted to declare that I have found my Fortune in the Valley, and it wasn't in the place I was looking for it. Not at all.
