In 1993, a British anthropologist called Robin Dunbar posited that there is a natural limit to the number of friends one can reasonably sustain, and put the number at approximately 150. How could he anticipate the Facebook phenomenon, where many of the folks I know are already over 200, and one has over 1000 "friends"? My own count is still below the so-called Dunbar number, but what strikes me more is the weird lens which social media provides into the lives of folks I don't really know that well. There's no question that some people are status update addicts, obsessively posting something about their day to day lives, interesting or not. Then there are the voyeurs, folks whose presence online is confirmed by their profile icon appearing on the left of my screen, but whose posts are rare (and usually, quite worthwhile). And then, of course, are the vast swathes of souls who joined Facebook because someone pestered them to, and who have now given up, because they got bored of the drivel, or more likely, are busy living their real lives off line.
This creates a weird dichotomy. I'm often more familiar with some random acquaintance's travel plans than I am with my best friend's pregnancy. I discovered this week by telephone that another close friend's marriage could be disintegrating, but that this disheartening situation had been going on over a month. Meantime, thanks to Facebook, I am bang up-to-date on what a friend of a friend made for dinner last night. Odd, and occasionally unsettling.
As of this month, I am back in touch with two schoolfriends who had happily lived out the 20 years since we graduated with nary a word. Interesting to find out where life took them, yes. On my list to visit during my trip to Britain in March - not likely.
And real world friendships seem to have changed somewhat too. Partly, in my case, this is a function of distance. Having settled some 6,000 miles and 8 hours behind the land where I was born throws up some barriers for the people in Blighty. And even the east coasters have to count backwards by three to figure out what time I'm on. But the truth is that really it's a matter of how much effort each friend puts into the relationship. Friends in Sydney and Tajikistan have done a splendid job of staying in touch despite much greater geographical and time lag distances (perhaps because like me, they are operating in a less friend-rich local environment).
So come on people, pick up the phone! And if you don't already have Skype, then get with the picture (literally - the video function is really fun). Put the coffee pot on, or pour out your cocktail (after all, it's definitely five o'clock somewhere), and get ready for a good, long, old fashioned gossip.
